Breaking Spring Open

Nicaragua;
I thank you for those six days in March when

Your light hit us just right,

Your sand opened up for my toes,

Your flowers spilled over edges,

Your dusk broke through that tiny mountain town,

And for one sweet week

You gave me back this one sweet friend.

Child Eyes

When I was a little girl
my eyes held all knowing in their sockets.
If a thing too overwhelming came to be,
I could simply close my tiny eyes
and un-see the unmanageable.

More than once
I lost control of my bicycle on a certain steep, steep hill.
So squeezing shut my eyes,
that hill would come to not exist for one
tiny
instant.

More than once
I was alone
in the Buick's big backseat,
and we were again pulling into that terrifying car wash.
Unfamiliar sounds and movements invaded my senses.
Pulling back my mother's hand,
back to where I sat,
It was my shield from the strange.
Placed and held firmly
from temple to temple,
arching up over my nose.
Familiar skin on mother hands hid me from my nightmare.

And now,
though with longer limbs,
I still struggle between denial and truth
in the daily opening and closing of these eyes.

When what I fear the most enters my vision,
with head ducked under covers,
it becomes the monster that I will always dread.

But
When what I fear the most enters my vision,
and with willing eyes I take it in,
in all of its terrifying possibilities,
it releases from all of my grasping intentions,
and transforms into an offering to the God of the Poor in Spirit.
I am now open to receive His heart.
And certainly, He does not fail to hear the voices of his hurting children.

Do you trust Me? What have you to fear?

In Celebration of Light: Sunday morning.

Excerpts by: Wallace Stevens


1
...The day is like wide water, without sound.
Stilled for the passing of her dreaming feet
Over the seas, to silent Palestine...


2
...What is divinity if it can come
Only in silent shadows and in dreams?
Shall she not find in comforts of the sun,
In pungent fruit and bright green wings, or else
In any balm or beauty of the earth,
...Divinity must live within herself:
Passions of rain, or moods in falling snow;
Grievings in loneliness, or unsubdued
Elations when the forest blooms; gusty
Emotions on wet roads on autumn nights;
All pleasures and all pains, remembering
The bough of summer and the winter branch.
These are the measure destined for her soul.


4
She says, "I am content when wakened birds,
Before they fly, test the reality
Of misty fields, by their sweet questionings;
But when the birds are gone, and their warm fields
Return no more, where, then, is paradise?"...


5
She says, "But in contentment I still feel
The need of some imperishable bliss."
Death is the mother of beauty; hence from her,
Alone, shall come fulfillment to our dreams
And our desires.
...The path sick sorrow took, the many paths
Where triumph rang its brassy phrase, or love
Whispered a little out of tenderness
She makes the willow shiver in the sun...


7
...Out of their blood, returning to the sky;
And in their chant shall enter, voice by voice,
The windy lake wherein their lord delights,
The trees, like serafin, and echoing hills,
That choir among themselves long afterward.
They shall know well the heavenly fellowship
Of men that perish and of summer morn.
And whence they came and whither they shall go
The dew upon their feet shall manifest.

8

She hears, upon that water without sound,

A voice that cries, "The tomb in Palestine

Is not the porch of spirits lingering.

It is the grave of Jesus, where he lay."

We live in an old chaos of the sun,

Or old dependency of day and night,

Or island solitude, unsponsored, free,

Of that wide water, inescapable...

And, in the isolation of the sky,

At evening, casual flocks of pigeons make

Ambiguous undulations as they sink,

Downward to darkness, on extended wings.

Decision

cred.

Lenten Centering

Father of light,
in You is found no shadow of change
but only the fullness of life and limitless truth.
Open our hearts to the voice of Your Word
and free us from the original darkness
that shadows our vision.
Restore our sight that we may look upon Your Son
who calls us to repentance and a change of heart,
for he lives and reigns with You and the Holy Spirit,
one God, for ever and ever.
International Committee on English in the Liturgy (ICEL)

photo cred.

Ear Candy

She's a Magazine

Hold that pose. Good enough?

Root Canals and Holy Company

01.29.09
I laid back in my dentist's chair this afternoon and opened my mouth wide.
Needles, drills and files all took their turns destroying and rebuilding a bad tooth. I felt nothing. I took no part in the process.

In fact, I had been given so much anesthesia that I was numb from my jaw bone, all the way up into my ear. On my way out the door, he told me that I wouldn't experience much more pain after it wore off, but he proceeded to write me a prescription for Vicodin, "just in case."

And as my numb self walked out of the building, my mind wandered to a time, back when the full affect of pain would have been felt, accepted, and coped with. Not only dental pains, but birth pains, travel pains, sickness pains, depression pains, surgery pains. We no longer have to feel these things in their fullness. We expect numbing comfort. We do not often have to consider in our spirits how to sit in the discomfort and bear its fullness.

And I have to wonder...
Are we better off for it, or worse?

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

I have been forgetting to consult the mirror lately.
I didn't even realize until a few days ago.
It's weird how certain life experiences can bring you so inside yourself that you forget that there is a self you wear on the outside, too.
Who knows, I may have looked like this for the past couple of weeks:

But you would tell me if I did...right?
I should've taken a hint when one of my students guessed that I was 61.
"Hmm. Close..."

On top of everything...I have a cold. Just a little baby one. But still, a cold.
I couldn't sleep last night.
Even with the rain outside (usually works like a charm).
My skin was burning and my mind was whirling.
But I'm good today.
Stable for the moment.
The window shows me wet swirling snow outside this morning.
And I am warmly typing away at my indoor desk.
The world shows me unimaginable loss and grief.
And I am contentedly settled in my center.
Not numb, but rather holding up all of the pain in the light of Alpha and Omega.
It was a fight to find my center, and a very counter-intuitive one at that.
My anxiety tends to whisper these ideas in my ear:
Keep busy, keep occupied, keep moving.
If you stay still, you will be crushed by emotions.
When I really stop to think about it,
it's weird how much fear I associate with stillness...and emotion.
Weary of movements that never manifest into much of anything,

I let myself rest.
And find that I am not alone, after all.

Owning and bearing the fullness of my whole heart, I unfold in the company of these words, uttered by a sister long before my time:
"All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well..." -Julian of Norwich

Heard

Experimenting with Design

Stay Soft

Eveline Tarunadjaja

Bashful in Polka Dots- circa 1986

Forever Bones

At 25 years
i feel Forever stretched out in my bones.
But i forget to remember
that my bones are not Forever.
They are future Earth food,
set up as proudly
as the crumbling columns of the Colosseum
once were.

My little teeth,
my funny toes,
my freckled cheek
are Me,
until they are not.

And what i see and handle
and where i walk in these feet,
whisper those same Forever lies.

Tonight i sit in my chair
and let myself know this.
But tomorrow i will fill my view full
and dance and move
and birth and lose
in my Forever bones.

photo cred.

Ringing It In.

A Homemade Holiday

These are gifts made for family and friends. I loved allowing this season to provoke self-expression, and in turn, passing on bits of myself to others. There is something very special about using your eyes, your hands and your heart to craft something new. Where there were once bare wood items and blank canvases, there are now brand new creations in the world. Creations that will hopefully brighten corners of rooms and corners of hearts for my loved ones.

I am finding more and more that for me, creation is such an important part of my human experience.

I still believe in summer days.

Japan 2006

05.06.

Don't let expectation spoil the experience...let something be whatever it will, or will not be.

Go easy on yourself...you have a place here. Just look at your two feet planted on the ground to know this.

You're okay.

Shells and Sprouts

I see us

Like grass.

Our fragile husks

fall,

shed,

wither away.

And fading bodies reveal

the forever God-spark

contained in all.

And when I close my eyes

to the weighted haze of all things held

in human hands,

I sense a new Way.

I am

Learning to relax the weight of my body

into the unseen.

And hoping to God

that from this tiny mustard seed,

pressed hard into the palm of my hand,

will come a

sprout,

plant,

tree.

art cred.

Kaoru Kawano Woodblock Prints

"Doves and Girl" & "Yellow Canary"

"Dancing Figure" & "Child With Flowers"

"Black Gloves" & "Little Bird"

Tree-Shaped Love

I never knew I had a tree-shaped hole in my heart, until this beaut entered my life. The roomies and I have been celebrating the commencement of Advent by doing a little Christmas decorating around the house. This is the result:

Organic-themed Christmas tree 2008
Take a closer look, you will find twiney nests, sparkling birds, golden acorns and shiny holly.

Up Next:

Advent-themed stocking holder art! These concepts are inspired by the Advent movement of Jacob's Well, and of course, the anticipation of the baby Savior.

"Hope" by: Karlie M.

"Bend Low" by: Yours Truly

"Wait" by: Amy L.

These pieces of art nest nicely on our fireplace mantle...where the stockings have already been hung.



We're a little bit excited for Christmas...