Today I listened to a Rabbi
give meditations on Moses and Adam
and how when God called to Adam
he had run and he had hid
and how when God called to Moses
in that bush, set ablaze
he replied, "Here I am"

and I understood that.

That subtle, inner difference
between resisting
and accepting
between mindless shame
and mindful presence

And I've been practicing the latter lately,
finding my firey shrubbed voice,
checking in with what is calling
and being there,
willfully.

If I'm sitting on the couch
I check in with that inner flame..
"Is this what I'm wanting in this moment?
(different than craving)
If the answer is Yes...
Then proceed with full acceptance of your choice..
no guilt, no "shoulds..."
Here I am.
Or, if the answer is No...
Then use that inner glimmer
and also your will
and co-create
what happens next.

Tonight,
checking in like Moses,
led me back to music making
back to strings and bows
and turning sheets
and finger beats.
No foot dragging duty involved.
Only awareness,
surprise,
joy
and flow.

What an adventure
this makes
everyday
life.

I saved a bird last summer.

Spotted its baby body
and it's broken, bloodied wing while walking.
(It was a baby tufted titmouse, so so precious)

Scooped it up
in a paper bag
and drove it to help.

I watched it in that bag
and its nature changed me.
It did not understand where it was going
or why it was now balancing on
wadded up tissue paper
instead of grass and branches
but it looked up at me so steadily
and it blinked so patiently
and it knew its limits so sweetly.

And so now I can't seem to stop
scanning streets and parking lots
pathways and alleyways
for creatures in need
of saving.

My Big Lesson
after being washed up onto the other side
of witnessing
cancer
death
struggle
and divorce
has been
you can't save others//
you are not the savior.
It's in learning to know my limits
before I break my wings trying.

Okay.
I accept this now.

But I saved that bird...