Sometimes I still feel

that critical eye 

scanning over how I choose

to spend my hours 

these days

And I shake it off

by remembering 

that mine is a quiet revolution

of haikus and slow breaths
of learning the questions my body is asking
of re-knowing what it is that I want.

A personal revolution

of "braving my own wilderness".

There are no longer hammers or drills

or concrete saws in my hands

No more building islands

of new kingdoms

But rather pen and voice and downward dogs
for creating myself anew

to exist more honestly

right here in this wild world

that some are flailing about

trying to save.
I guess
you could say that
I've chosen to save myself,
And this is why I left
in the first place.

Look at you
there in that mirror.
You are who you always wished
someone would tell you
that you are

             -witness

This is my life.
         -reclaiming

me
without
you
is what i am becoming now.
me
without
you
is what i should have
always been,
except that my coattails kept catching
on your remembered gestures
and my mind caught
on trying to prove prove prove
that yes, i'm doing what is right for me,
yes, i was always okay.
And i've now come to the point
where i find that what it most beneficial
is to forget that you exist.
Not because i hate you.
I don't hate you
(it would be easier if i did)
but i'm laying you to rest.
and from this motion i get the sensation
of a "clearing away"
like a shelf
or a path
or a life
and now that i can see the way through
i can say "yes" to moving through it,
me
without
you.

I've been waiting for that person
to tell me of love
to tell me of my own power.
And in one little moment
I thought,
I could possibly just decide
that I am.
Big blue sky,
I'm saying yes to you.

"We are the ones we've been waiting for"

Choice

How sure I must be
to step outside
your ring of warmth and webs
into the cold alone.

Have a seat,
I've got some things to say to you.

I heard last night that you're up to your old ways
with other hearts
in other rooted places
and it destroyed me for a moment,
but just for a moment.
And that's okay
because I've been studying the art of rebuilding
for awhile now.

And all this time my mind has danced around you
in confusion and indecision,
but my body has always known.
My body has always known.

I've been thanking it lately
for not letting it betray myself;
For the nausea that rose when I tried to speak falsely
about need and love,
and for the animal instinct to cut and run.

I could set a vigil
around your well of needs
and you would call me blessed
and holy.

How irresistible,
for that tender wolf pup.

I know that you feel cut off
from wildish woman instinct
within your own self,
And that is why you could never
just let me have it.
Unless it was written in that Book
on that black and white page,
It was untrustworthy to you.

But I am through
with the simultaneous
distrust of and craving for
the feminine.

And as I've grown into this wild woman
I've been making my requests to the Universe
for safe love,
grown love,
stable love.
You can have your wooing glances,
You can keep your hots and colds.

I'll be over here
sprouting roots from my feet,
humming along with Beyonce
and writing,
and creating,
and swaying,
and reveling in my
grown
and wildish
ways.

I wish you well,
But you are not inhabiting me any longer,
old friend.