goodbye:hello::25:26

Well, today was my birthday.
That's right. The day that Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett both died, was my birthday.
But that's okay. Life and death...they are all bound to happen, right?

Last night there was a dark, furry moth on the ceiling of our family room. My sister said, "Moths always remind me of death." A foreshadowing of today? Weird.

That's okay. For a little bit I felt heavy about it. About death, accompanying my birthday. Then I remembered that I didn't really like this past year, and that it's okay to lay it down to die. I can actually say, it's over...phew! It's under my belt now. I have all of the richness and wisdom of experience that heartache and grief bring...and yet I don't have to experience it in that same way again. RIP 2-5. I'll wave a big goodbye to you.

Hello 2-6. You feel sunnier to me. And I don't mind being closer to the big 3-0. Because as life is lived it grows and expands our hearts if we let it...so next year has to be better. Simply because...I let my heart be made bigger.

From: Five Flights Up

By: Elizabeth Bishop


...The little black dog runs in his yard.
His owner's voice arises, stern,
"You ought to be ashamed!"
What has he done?
He bounces cheerfully up and down;
he rushes in circles in the fallen leaves.


Obviously, he has no sense of shame.
He and the bird know everything is answered,
all taken care of,
no need to ask again.--
Yesterday brought to today so lightly!
A yesterday I find almost impossible to lift.

You have regarded my low estate.

I always avoided hunching myself over

that ground down there.

So lowly, so strangely religious.

Then the fire. It came.

Fires of grief from every direction.

I was burned down to ash

until my face had to meet it.

My face,

it twisted into both defense and release

when it had come forcefully down.

And only when face to face with it

could I see its latent fertility.

My knees and shins laid to rest.

My forehead kissed its surface.

My little ashen body cradled in its earth.

Both life and death in one sweeping motion.

To now find myself newly pruned and planted.

With fresh new skin that covers

a newly attentive posture.

My tongue

scorched by hot coal

cries anew, "You are able!"

Relearning steps.

Walking humbly and keeping eyes to the ground.

Eyes to the ground.

You will lead me.

You will lead.