Rock of Ages

There are memories I have, so visceral and painful, that have etched themselves so deeply in my heart that I know their remembrances will never go far from me. When I think of the visual representation of it I see a land wide with rock and, without any permission given by me, a chisel ravaged that land with deep trenches. This was not our asking. It was a violent and vicious attack that has left us changed forever.
In the process, someone was stolen from us and we are left in his absence to try and wrap our minds around having just witnessed the ugly progression of life turning into death. In reality, my mind gets it. In my mind I know that we are all going to die one day, that physical life always ends in death, and that disease is not always survivable. I understand these things with my mind. But my heart...my heart screams, "WHAT?" My heart stops me in the middle of my daily tasks and thinks, "Wait, what just happened here?" My heart silently wonders, "He's really gone?"
There is something inconceivable about it all and because I am tiny and human, my heart can only contain so much of it at once. So when one layer gets worked through, another layer appears to remind me of the reality of it all over again. And I sit, bewildered in those trenches that have been dug in my heart, just as if they are places I've never seen before.

BUT...

I also know that deep calls to deep. Where deep trenches have been dug, there also lies the potential for deep waters of healing to be invited in, causing dry earth to be watered and new buds to spring to life. Where ashes sit in heaps, therein lies the potential for the Spirit to come as He does and turn them into such beauty that the world wonders, "How?" He is bounty, He is solid, He is the Rock of Ages. His Word speaks it and so I raise my eyes from the trenches to grasp it. And looking back, I see how faithful He was to begin wooing me just before everything really began to unravel. His Love rings true forever, so faithful is His loving kindness. Lean into that tiny voice. Fear nothing, for not even death can quench his Love. Fear nothing, fear nothing, fear nothing. Sit at his feet and minister to His heart with your unfaltering trust. Let him lift your chin in order to see more clearly and let all heavy, heaving sadness be laid to rest with the victorious Man of Sorrows.