Where are you?

Important questions...
Where are you at?
How do you honestly feel?
How can you Be Here right now?
My only job,
when I don't know how to be,
Is to just be here.
Both-BE here
and be HERE.
Show up to wherever you are going,
with a finger to your pulse.
I think I have become overly exhausted
by others because I've not been
both Here and Honest.
I smile too much...
my amicable reflexes
are too quick for my body's honesty.
Before I know it
I've smiled and reassured and laughed
my way through an interaction that
I'm dying to escape.
How to show up honestly
while also not feeling panic
about not helping the other
get through the interaction
so much.
This is an area that I need to practice self-care.
Self-sacrifice is my go to
and I'm getting more and more isolated
because it's all too damn hard.
Also...
how to not feel defeated when
I'm not met with another's self-sacrifice.
This is almost a constant.
Honesty and presence are my prayer
especially in this time.
Where real needs
Need real presence.
Not exhausted forced smiles
but just whoever you are,
wherever you may be.