I wade in this water to find its source.

Equal.
This word hit me like medicine today,
flowed in slowly, taking its time to reach
the most ailing parts of me
that were waiting for this word's healing.
I've always been sensitive to other's reactions of me
and today was no different
other than my own, interior reaction.
After today's slight
I could feel my mind tracking it's old rabbit trail of thought
and instead of following it, I observed it.
Every imaginative turn it would take,
I would pull back and decided to write a different story.
My mind felt like a poorly trained animal,
which I had to harness and re-harness again and again.
No, not that way, go THIS way....
You see, because people are so varied
and will respond in every kind of way to you, and
Also, people are not perfect, and neither are you.
Leaving room for all of this, I must decide to rewrite the narrative
of "Girl who is at the mercy of how other's perceive her"
into "Equal"
This is what I believe Jesus asks us into with his "Cheek turning".
Love the other enough to require them to look you in the eye
and see you as their equal.
Only continued harm is done when the victim and oppressor narrative
is allowed to keep playing out.
"Turn the other cheek" is not an invitation into martyrdom.
I will not crumble, and
I will decide the measuring rod for the situation,
not hand it over to those outside of my knowing self.
I will not depend on another in this way again.

__________


"When you strike a woman, you strike a rock"